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A Reddit Sunday

23 Oct

I was going to write the next part in my little mini-series on Choice and Consequences but when  I opened up my little Windows Live Writer program I was just not feeling it. That is probably for the best seeing as my brain is nearly fried from staring at a computer screen for the several hours. That blog would have turned out to be nothing more than gibberish, and would most likely ended up being deleted. For instance, as I am typing this, I keep getting distracted by Jude(my cat) running around. He is obviously in his own little world. I guess we have something in common.

So today, as per usual of what happens on my days off, my brain was overflowing with a calamity of different thoughts. One of the reoccurring ones that I kept asking myself is what am I doing? This is a pretty valid question to ask seeing as I have no earthly idea. Are we really suppose to? I know Morgan knows. I mean her job classifications are pretty specific, and she is more or less made for it, but the majority of the people I know have no earthly idea of what there life is developing into. I mean, where do I see myself in a year or two from now? I don’t think it is in this crummy little house, cutting grass for grand mother, working at Publix, and doing the same all over again the next day. I sure as heck don’t see myself work a 9-5 either. I don’t know, an office job just doesn’t suit me. Am I being a little trite by saying so? Probably. But heck I know I wouldn’t be happy in that kind of situation. What does that leave? That’s the rub.

I wish I could travel. I wish I could just go around and see the world. Maybe visit nature, or see ruins of ancient cavitation’s.  All of that sounds so inspirational. I like that sort of thing. For instance, when I go hiking and I get to the top of the mountain and look over the edge at the beauty of what God created something deep in my soul just clicks on. I know that is bad way of describing it, but that’s the best I can. I want more of that. I want to expand myself to more cultures than this that I live in. I want to be boundless.  For a while after Sommer died I was uncertain whether I could do that or not. If I could actually leave. I had always wanted to before all that happened, but after she was gone I felt restrained. It’s a hard place to be put in. How do you tell your family that you want to be gone for months or years at time when they had already lost some one so important. What I decided though was that I can’t let her death dictate my life. Instead it should be an inspiration for how I should live it to the fullest and do what makes me happy. From here on out that is what I plan to do.

I really need to start writing again.  I want to. I have started a couple of different pieces but never really seem to work on them unless I am in class bored. At this rate they will never get done. I really should be utilizing this easy semester by writing as much as possible. I plan to do better about that. Maybe I will schedule a time during the day that all I do is write for an hour. We will see how well that works out.

I keep thinking about her. I just don’t get it. If it really isn’t meant to be then why does everything bring me back to her? Why does it feel like it is? We haven’t talked this weekend. I had gotten use to us talking everyday and was really enjoying it. Maybe I will text her later.

That seems about all I feel like writing now. Peace.


I Believe In A Thing Called Love

18 Dec

Its funny. Sometimes I cannot put what I really want to say here. In my blog. Why? I guess its because I don’t want to come off sounding crazy, ranting about the same damn thing. So what do I do instead? I leave it inside, letting it slip out every now and again, never ever really facing it, just letting it grow. I have so much I want to say. So much that I want to ask, but I never get the chance. Or maybe its that I never get the courage. At the end of the day what good would it really do me? I mean even now. I have this perfect opportunity to let it all out. Get it all off my chest, once and for all, but instead I leave it alone. Don’t try analyzing this. Its obvious what and who, I am talking about. Giving in, and up, is such a hard thing to do; especially when you’re so certain of what you want.

One Hit Wonder

16 Dec

I just love when I accidently discover a book that can define exactly how I am feeling. It almost feels as if the book was written for me. It captivates me to the point in which I am brought to tears because of the feelings that it invokes.  Its just…crazy.


I miss you. I miss you a lot. I really thought that there was something between us.  You remember that night? You said, “This could end two ways; really good, or really bad.” Truth is I was routing for the good before there ever was a beginning.  I guess the thing for me to do for now is give up. I am not getting anywhere traveling the path I am.


I guess I need to get my life together.

Dear, You

25 Oct

I have wrote you letters that I never plan on giving you.


I think about you more often than I would like to admit.


I have had a crush on you since…well lets just leave it at I have had a crush on you for a very long time.


There for a little bit I actually let myself believe that things were going to work out in my favor; that my prayers were going to get answered and someone who has inspired me more than anyone else ever has, would actually be with me. In every facet of the phrase you are the girl of my dreams. I really cant think of many people that I am more attracted to. I can’t think of many more people who I will let take me out of my comfort zone, and to new unexplored realms.  I mean between night adventures, and late night egg fights, what more could I want?


Every single time that I see you, I have to actually physically catch my breath. I have to make myself look any direction but yours; if I didn’t I would too easily be caught staring. Without even trying you catch my attention like that.

When you talk, I hang on to every single word. Sometimes I say the lamest things just to get a response.

When I think about the things you do, in the name of something you believe in more than anything, it astounds me. I mean you are so passionate and driven, something I admire more than you will ever know.


One time I was trying to go to sleep in my car, and you were playing with my hair. I like thinking about that.

I like thinking about the time I was at your house, we had been up all night, doing random things. We were tickling each other. I wish I had tried to kiss you then, just an attempt would have been better nothing.

The whole beginning of my summer was one that could leave me in a smile.


At the end of the day there will always be one constant. That is I will always have feelings for you. I will always look at you in “that way.” You are now, and always will be the girl of my dreams. Maybe one day, with a little luck, and a lot of prayer, I will be that person in your eyes.