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A Reddit Sunday

23 Oct

I was going to write the next part in my little mini-series on Choice and Consequences but when  I opened up my little Windows Live Writer program I was just not feeling it. That is probably for the best seeing as my brain is nearly fried from staring at a computer screen for the several hours. That blog would have turned out to be nothing more than gibberish, and would most likely ended up being deleted. For instance, as I am typing this, I keep getting distracted by Jude(my cat) running around. He is obviously in his own little world. I guess we have something in common.

So today, as per usual of what happens on my days off, my brain was overflowing with a calamity of different thoughts. One of the reoccurring ones that I kept asking myself is what am I doing? This is a pretty valid question to ask seeing as I have no earthly idea. Are we really suppose to? I know Morgan knows. I mean her job classifications are pretty specific, and she is more or less made for it, but the majority of the people I know have no earthly idea of what there life is developing into. I mean, where do I see myself in a year or two from now? I don’t think it is in this crummy little house, cutting grass for grand mother, working at Publix, and doing the same all over again the next day. I sure as heck don’t see myself work a 9-5 either. I don’t know, an office job just doesn’t suit me. Am I being a little trite by saying so? Probably. But heck I know I wouldn’t be happy in that kind of situation. What does that leave? That’s the rub.

I wish I could travel. I wish I could just go around and see the world. Maybe visit nature, or see ruins of ancient cavitation’s.  All of that sounds so inspirational. I like that sort of thing. For instance, when I go hiking and I get to the top of the mountain and look over the edge at the beauty of what God created something deep in my soul just clicks on. I know that is bad way of describing it, but that’s the best I can. I want more of that. I want to expand myself to more cultures than this that I live in. I want to be boundless.  For a while after Sommer died I was uncertain whether I could do that or not. If I could actually leave. I had always wanted to before all that happened, but after she was gone I felt restrained. It’s a hard place to be put in. How do you tell your family that you want to be gone for months or years at time when they had already lost some one so important. What I decided though was that I can’t let her death dictate my life. Instead it should be an inspiration for how I should live it to the fullest and do what makes me happy. From here on out that is what I plan to do.

I really need to start writing again.  I want to. I have started a couple of different pieces but never really seem to work on them unless I am in class bored. At this rate they will never get done. I really should be utilizing this easy semester by writing as much as possible. I plan to do better about that. Maybe I will schedule a time during the day that all I do is write for an hour. We will see how well that works out.

I keep thinking about her. I just don’t get it. If it really isn’t meant to be then why does everything bring me back to her? Why does it feel like it is? We haven’t talked this weekend. I had gotten use to us talking everyday and was really enjoying it. Maybe I will text her later.

That seems about all I feel like writing now. Peace.


Choice and Consequence Part 1

17 Oct

Opening Statement

You know. I had this whole idea for a blog a couple of weeks ago focused on choices. I planned out what  I wanted to say, and how I could execute getting my point across. Well I made a choice tonight. A choice to throw all of  that preconceived planning out the window.

What it comes down to is that we make choices everyday. What to wear. What music to listen to. Where to go. Who to be. To take the highway or the back roads. To text someone or call them. To keep trying or to just give up. Its suffice, and at this point almost cliché, to say that life is just one big choice.

This begs the question, then, what happens when one of these choices we make turns out to be the wrong one? It is easy to happen given, as I just stated, that our life is dictated by choices. And it is something that happens quite more than we like to admit. So with this logic in mind, we come to the conclusion that with every choice there is consequence. This is an easy enough idea to come to on your own, but I feel it needs to be stated.

I, myself, have made some bad choices. I guess I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. I would be lying not only to you, but myself if I said I didn’t have regrets. This is a self delusion that I believe many have when dealing with decisions. There are plenty of things that I wish that I would have done, and others that I shouldn’t have said. Over the course of the next few blog entries I will be discussing my thoughts on the simplistic depth of choice and consequence.


At this rate if you stay with me you will go to bed at 23 and wake up 65

15 Oct

The last couple of days I have thought a lot about the future and what this mystical entity holds for me. Want to know what I found out? That I have no idea about it, and have no idea of where it is going to lead. I know what I want out of it. I want to travel. And write. I kind of have this image in my head of owning nothing more that the clothes on my back, my computer, and a writing journal and letting my destination be a constant surprise. I want to see the beauties that the world has to offer and I want to write stuff that is actually important; pieces whose beauty mimics the places I will see. I don’t know. I just can’t seem to picture myself with that usual 9-5 job that enslaves people into the being known as “the real world.” I guess if I am going to have a dream, might as well be something that would actually make me happy.

I just got done playing with Parker. It astounds me how much I love that kid. As soon as he hugged me I couldn’t help but smile and let any worries that I may have been letting run rampage in my head melt away. Him and Katlynn mean more to me than just about anything in the world. I know cliché but I hate how fast they are growing up. I hope they will always know how much I love the two of them.

Fall break is exactly what I needed. I have let my brain get to cluttered here lately. Off to Greenville tomorrow.

Another short story from my creative writing class will be posted soon.


Blue Skies

12 Oct

One of the things I have found myself doing more and more here recently is sitting on my front steps and looking up at the sky. One thing you can always count on is the inconsistency of the mass that finds itself hovering over head. It almost mimics life in that fact. Life doesn’t stay the same for long;quickly changing from one event to another. Can you imagine if it did though? How stagnant it would become?

I know I haven’t actually posted a really entry to this blog in a long while. I am sorry for that. What can I say? I got overwhelmed with life. It happens. Between moving out, fixing a car, renovating a kitchen and bathroom, starting back school, starting a new job, life can get tough. Its weird really. I have learned so many new skills in the past couple of months, learned so many new things about what I am capable of that it feels almost worth it.

Well that’s all I want to say for now. Its starting to rain so I should head back in. I hope to be more consistent with this in the future.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

1 Jul

Today started out pretty bad, with me depressed; something I have been a lot here lately; something I wish would just go away. Sometimes its hard to not let your inner demons get the best of you. You allow them to eat away at you, and come out the victor in this game of life. I guess the best thing for me to do is to pray, and ask God to help me through these hard times.

Well I said today started out bad, which means it got better. Morgan came over and we hung out all day. She always brightens my days. She is a real good friend.  Sometimes I wish I could return the favor, and be a better friend than I am. We just swam and watched movies all day(the same thing our usual hang out sessions consist of). It defiantly  helped me take my mind off stuff.

I had another night swim tonight, this time I had company. My roommates and a couple of brothers all went out to the pool. Hanging with them always cracks me up if nothing else.

Well I have decided to go Mountain Biking tomorrow. I don’t know why I have been wanting to go so bad here lately. I figure I will go on a light trail to just break things in. I haven’t been in God knows how long. It should be fun though. It more than likely help me get some of life’s frustrations out.

Dad is coming up tomorrow for a couple of days.  I miss him. Sometimes it sucks to think that he lives so far away from us. I mean with the distance between us we don’t really have much of a father-son relationship, but I guess he does the best that he can.

Imha iel sro st.

Anyways I need to work on my story and quit blogging.


“And that, I think, was the handle – that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark – that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.”