Dear, You

25 Oct

I have wrote you letters that I never plan on giving you.

 

I think about you more often than I would like to admit.

 

I have had a crush on you since…well lets just leave it at I have had a crush on you for a very long time.

 

There for a little bit I actually let myself believe that things were going to work out in my favor; that my prayers were going to get answered and someone who has inspired me more than anyone else ever has, would actually be with me. In every facet of the phrase you are the girl of my dreams. I really cant think of many people that I am more attracted to. I can’t think of many more people who I will let take me out of my comfort zone, and to new unexplored realms.  I mean between night adventures, and late night egg fights, what more could I want?

 

Every single time that I see you, I have to actually physically catch my breath. I have to make myself look any direction but yours; if I didn’t I would too easily be caught staring. Without even trying you catch my attention like that.

When you talk, I hang on to every single word. Sometimes I say the lamest things just to get a response.

When I think about the things you do, in the name of something you believe in more than anything, it astounds me. I mean you are so passionate and driven, something I admire more than you will ever know.

 

One time I was trying to go to sleep in my car, and you were playing with my hair. I like thinking about that.

I like thinking about the time I was at your house, we had been up all night, doing random things. We were tickling each other. I wish I had tried to kiss you then, just an attempt would have been better nothing.

The whole beginning of my summer was one that could leave me in a smile.

 

At the end of the day there will always be one constant. That is I will always have feelings for you. I will always look at you in “that way.” You are now, and always will be the girl of my dreams. Maybe one day, with a little luck, and a lot of prayer, I will be that person in your eyes.

From,

Me

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21 Responses to “Dear, You”

  1. cutiewithglasses August 28, 2011 at 2:46 am #

    aw! sounds like you are smitten. what ever happened? can’t leave emotions like that hanging…

    • Jesse August 28, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

      What happened is things never happened. They didn’t pan out like I wanted them to. I was very smitten with this girl. Still am, in ways, I guess. She is just one of those people who catches your attention every time, without even trying. She always was coming up with crazy, and creative things for us to do, and I always ended up enjoying them to no end. Pretty? Without even trying she is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, and when she does try I can’t help but stare.

      Sometimes things just don’t work out like you want them to.

      And it sucks.

  2. cutiewithglasses August 31, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    how exactly were you “panning them out”? sounds like you weren’t very good at it. did you ever make a move? and besides I’m sure its for the best. there is always somebody better out there; its just a matter of looking for them.

    • Jesse September 26, 2011 at 11:41 pm #

      You were right, I never made a move. I should have at least tried. I guess I just thought that things wouldn’t change while she was away. We only get one shot, and I guess I lost mine.

  3. Jesse August 31, 2011 at 12:43 am #

    I never said I was “panning them out.” What I said was things didn’t pan out like I wanted them to. I may have not have been that good at it, but we stayed up an entire night one time talking about it. Its funny that you asked if I ever made a move. There was this one time, before she left for the summer, that I felt like I should try to kiss her. I didn’t. I wish I had, because when she got back things seemed to have changed.

    Eh, for the best? I don’t know if I agree with that all that much. I feel like it could have been pretty great. You’re right though, there is always someone else out there, it doesn’t stop me having feelings for her though. I just teach myself to ignore them.

    So who are you?

  4. Jesse August 31, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    And its not like I don’t date other people. I do.

  5. cutiewithglasses August 31, 2011 at 12:59 am #

    did you ever ask her how she felt about you? or did you mask your feelings? and how is it dating other people? does it get your mind off of her

    • Jesse August 31, 2011 at 9:29 am #

      Like I said, me and her stayed up one night talking about it. The way she talked pointed to her wanting a relationship, and the way she acted made everyone else think that we were going to date. Like I said, I have just learned to ignore my feelings for her.

      So who are you? Again. I really don’t feel like going through the grunt work of tracing your location and what not. I do already know that we are friends on facebook, which is how you got here.

  6. cutiewithglasses September 1, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    we are friends on fb. and yea i think its best to just move on from her. who knows maybe the perfect girl is right in front of you and you don’t even know it…

    • Jesse September 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm #

      Oh, we are? Whats your name? As I said. I ignore my feelings for her. I think they will always be there. And as I said. I do go on dates with different girls.

  7. cutiewithglasses September 7, 2011 at 10:58 pm #

    My name? I’m surprised that you don’t know who this is yet. Anyways- so tell me about these other girls. Any of the girlfriend material?

    • Jesse September 7, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

      I have ideas of who this is. Mainly narrowed down to two. There is a huge possibility that I am wrong on both accounts.

      Not really. I don’t get that feeling when I am around them. you know what I mean? Which is what dating is for, right? To find someone that is a game changer. The person that you can’t stop thinking about. The one that pushes you into directions you couldn’t push yourself before. The one that inspires you, making you come up with creative new ideas. These girls that I have dated have not made me feel like that. I’ll keep looking, and try to find another “her” and maybe I will someday. Its not what drives me or anything(honestly I am not too worried about finding someone), but when it comes to relationships its what the standard is set at. Its high standard to fill.

      I hid them because she was going to read the blog the other night, and I didn’t want her to know what I said. She doesn’t get know that right now. Maybe ever again.

  8. cutiewithglasses September 7, 2011 at 11:00 pm #

    and why did you delete comments?

    • Jesse September 7, 2011 at 11:24 pm #

      See, your IP currently has you at 205 Haviland Ave, Greenville, SC 29607, USA

  9. cutiewithglasses September 8, 2011 at 12:33 am #

    hum. thats an interesting address. so- do you have any resentment to her for not giving you a chance? bc she is crazy for not recognizing how great you are. and you dont know of anybody worth dating?maybe the person is there and you havent given them the chance. foot in the other shoes?

    • Jesse September 8, 2011 at 1:16 am #

      There is a lot of interesting things about this post. Narrows it down a bit.

      Honestly? I don’t resent her for it. Its just sad. All of those feelings that I said was a requirement, she evoked without trying. There was this one time she randomly came to my apartment and woke me up at 7’Clock in the morning, she took me to Hardees and then all over Boiling Springs. She is the only girl I know that would do something like that. Or this other time we went swimming at her Grandparents lake house, or I should say she forced me into the water. This other time she came and sat with me and we watch Dexters Lab when I was having a Panic Attack. It is stuff like that, which made me so attracted to her. That night that we hashed out our feelings and thoughts we came to the topic of her parents. One statements she said stood out so much to me. She said things could go one of two ways: great like that, or not. It was the latter that happened obviously. Like I said, the thing that gets me is that everything pointed to it happening, but then she went away for the Summer and things changed. She came back and it was like all of that didn’t happen. And its my belief that if things were actually given a chance, she wouldn’t have been disappointed. She would have gotten the best that I could give. I wouldn’t have made the same mistakes as other people. The fact of the matter is it didn’t happen though. For whatever reason. It was her choice in the end, I was just the dreamer waiting for the alarm clock. I don’t resent her for it, no. To say that I don’t wish things would have went in the other direction, or that I dont every now and again play with the idea that I still have a chance, would be a lie.

      I have dated, and so far they have all come up short. Tough shoes to fill I guess. Trust me, I know what I feel. I can tell by your comments that you think I am all hung up on her. You are wrong though. I have had a thing for her since 9th Grade. It wasn’t till recent years that I have really got to know her. The girl I got to know never ceases to amaze me. I am not blinded by some ideal, instead I am inspired that there are people like her out there. I will tell you what I told her; I will always have feelings for her. Its inescapable. She is just that girl for me. The one who got away of sorts. Will I ever act on those feelings again? Probably not, last time it didn’t work out so well. I will say that no one has ever made me feel that way before, and if I ever do find that someone, again not that I am searching, I will be glad and embrace it.

      Yall have the same IP.

  10. Amanda Jett September 8, 2011 at 12:51 am #

    hey! cutie with glasses. lay off. He’s mine 🙂

  11. cutiewithglasses September 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

    Amanda- I happen to know that he is single. nice try.
    Jesse- guess your ip thing isn’t as reliable as you’d hoped. just know that there are other girls out there that are worth your time and would appreciate you. dont be afraid to give them a chance.

    • Jesse September 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm #

      Lol you obviously don’t know me then. Have you not been reading? I give other girls chances. Read My last post….

    • Jesse November 20, 2011 at 5:06 am #

      I often wonder what happened to cutiewithglasses.

    • Jesse February 29, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

      you piss me off.

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